Silent Treament, Not Gonna Work!

I sometimes wonder what it is about me that people think they can’t tell when I did something wrong or have upset them. I do realize that I am an intense person most of the times, especially of late. It seems that I really have been in a down ward spiral in the past few years and it has been out of control this last 14-18 months. I am having so much trouble pulling myself out of it.

I have this roommate, who at times is my best friend, depending on her mood and if I exists. I know I was taking a chance moving in with her and that these sorts of things were going to happen. It seems as though the harder I try to keep us close the more she pulls away. Living with her in the sense that I never know what to expect when I walk into the house is a lot like that of when I was a child living with my mom.

It’s hard not even being acknowledge when I walk into a room or say hi. It makes me doubt myself as a descent human being. I know I’m not perfect and that I make mistakes and not always easy to get along with. But what kind of relationship is this if we can’t be honest with each other about anything. I hate trying to guess what is wrong but I am to scared at the same time to ask or stand up for myself.

I do love her but at times I feel as though this relationship no longer serves either of us in a positive way. This is how it has been from the beginning. We hit it off and then I wouldn’t hear from her for months and then out of the blue I would get a call and she would act like nothing was wrong and we would pick up right where left off. The worse part is I am so desperate for friend and support that I just go along with it. I have been living with her for about 2 years now and last year so was so upset with me that she deleted me off Facebook, like I wouldn’t noticed.

It’s so frustrating and hurtful. I keep asking myself why do I insist on going after these relationships with people men and women that seem to me like an uphill battle all the time? I seem to push away people that have interest in me and fight for those who don’t.

I really need to reevaluate my life choices.


Mr. Fantastic he’s not or…

This has been bottled up inside me for a while. My friends are tired of hearing about and can’t seem to let him go.

So about a year I started this new job. I’m working nights and after only a couple weeks I fell for the afternoon supervisor. I never did anything about it.

After position at work changed he was no longer my supervisor and he started to flirt a little. But it caught me so off guard that he didn’t get the response I wanted him to have. He backed off soon after that. I tried to let him no I was interested by asking him to the movies. He said yes but as friends but “yes I’ll go,” were his words.

The few days at work after the movies were great between us. He even gave me a nickname “Minnie Mouse.” I’ll tell you how that came about later. But then something changed overnight it’s like I didn’t exist anymore. But then I did again after a while and then I didn’t. There was and still is a lot of back and forth with him.

Finally, after months of this I mustered up enough nerve and asked him if he wanted to get to know each other. And then he delivered a well-prepared speech of rejection. I gotta say as rejections go he was very kind. He told me we were good, good friends and he enjoyed working with me, I am as sweet as they come, but it’s better if we don’t’ besides “I don’t have time,” was how he ended it. I thought I was okay with it and at first I was then the following Monday came around and I tried to stay away from him as much as I could. Towards the end of the night I finished printing some stuff for a co-worker that needed to be cut down and he is the one that does that. The thing is that it didn’t need to be done that night it could have waited till the next day. I was told that night as I was walking out of work that when he was made aware of it needing to be cut the next day that he made a big deal about coming to get it and doing it that night. When he came in to get the roll of wall covering I tried my best to be kind and mature about the situation and I thought I handled myself well.

When I found out that he jumped at the chance to come into my department later, it upset me. Then my co-worker made a comment about if he realized how insulating it was to make the comment that he “didn’t have time.” I guess I didn’t realize at the time that it was hurtful thing to say. It got me to thinking about the way he has and still treating me. And it hurts. The next day, Tuesday, I was upset I had gotten some news about my grandmother the night before, that she wasn’t well. I was just beside myself the next day at work and I couldn’t shake it off. Anyone could tell by the look on my face that I was upset. He caught me in the break room first thing and noticed. He asked me if I was okay and I said yes and started to walk away and he followed me out of the room, kind of like a lost puppy, asking again if I was okay? I again said yes and went to my department to get the day started.

Not long, maybe 10 minutes, he came into my department and at first started to look around for something and came up to me asking again if I was okay? I then told him that I was just upset about my grandmother and that I would be okay. He said he was sorry to here that and that I would be in his thoughts.

Believe me when I say that since he rejected me he has asked me if “I’m okay” more then he has in the last year that he has known me. I gotta say it is quite frustrating. If he says that he doesn’t have time to get to know me then what is his deal? I feel as though it’s not fair that he gets to pick and choose when I exist and when I don’t. It’s like I’m not here to entertain him when it’s convenient for him. I feel like a doormat at times with him. And it really hurts. I don’t get this whole situation at all.

It’s hard because it’s not like I can get away from him with us working together. He’s there all the time. Just looking at him starts to bring up the feelings I have for him. When I am away from him I think that I can get past my feelings for him but the second I lay eyes on him and he smiles they all come back and I HATE IT!

I have been in therapy on and off since I turned 18. The therapist that I see now has told me that I need to ask him to give me my space in a personal sense. I have really considered it but every time I go to do it I chicken out and think to myself that I don’t have the right to ask him that. I don’t want to hurt him but I myself am tired of hurting.